Divorce can be one of the most stressful events in life, particularly when children are involved. And the question of whether kids can cause divorce can complicate the process even more.
Statistically, there are more divorces among couples without children than those with children. This fact suggests that children might not be the primary cause of divorce. In fact, having children often strengthens the commitment between couples, as they share the responsibility of parenting.
However, there is a significant difference between planned and unplanned pregnancies. When a child is planned and couples are prepared for parenthood, the impact on the marriage tends to be less severe than when a child is unplanned, leading to higher divorce statistics in the latter scenario.
Sometimes, the children tend to blame themselves for their parents’ divorce. It is crucial to understand that children are not to blame for divorce; it is the way adults handle their relationships and communicate that influences the outcome. During certain developmental stages, children may mistakenly believe they caused the divorce, which is why parents must reassure them that it’s not their fault.
To mitigate the negative impact of divorce on children, parents should continuously remind them that their parent’s separation is not their doing. Children often go through a phase of self-centeredness where they believe their actions can influence everything around them. This is why parents must reinforce the idea that the divorce is due to a breakdown in the adult relationship, not the child’s behavior.
Children can affect a marriage to some extent with their behavior, but it is overwhelmingly dependent on the strength of the adult relationship. Having children introduces various stressors, such as sleeplessness and financial strain. However, with proper preparation and attention to maintaining the couple’s connection, the likelihood of divorce can be reduced.
Divorces tend to occur when children are teenagers, as the couple may slowly drift apart while focusing excessively on parenting. While children can create challenges in a marriage, they are not the direct cause of divorce. It is the responsibility of adults to manage their relationships effectively and communicate openly. The Collaborative Divorce process can help protect the well-being of children and ensure that they continue to have loving and supportive relationships with both parents, even after the marriage has ended.
Tejan Patel is a holistic integrative therapist, using techniques from CBT (Cognitive Behavior Therapy), mindfulness and solution focused psychodynamics. She enjoys working with individuals, families, and couples. She can be reached at tejalpatel@hotmail.com